Mediocre Travel Tips

stroll fucking aimlessly

I understand how fucking lucky I am to be doing some travelling this summer. In fact, I’m pretty fucking lucky that I’ve travelled a fair bit in my life, some of it aided by 20+ years as a yacht chef. 

I am not a travel influencer. In fact, I rarely post pictures of my adventures because a: I’m too lazy, b: I’m trying to break up with social media, and c: I usually hate how I look in pictures and really, how many gothic church spires or manhole covers do my followers want to see?

With summer upon us, you may have travel plans. Or not. Maybe you want to feel like a traveler where you are. Maybe you need to just get the fuck away from the news cycle. Maybe I can help.

Before you take my mediocre advice, you should know I’m an anything-goes kind of traveler. I don’t micromanage my days. We might have tickets to a show or an event, but never book every moment of every day. The thought of this stresses me out in the same way that itinerary travelers would rather stay in their hotel room than head out the door with only the merest zephyr to guide their day. We rarely have restaurant reservations. This has ended up with some stinkers, for sure, but also some great surprises.

My husband is my most common travel buddy. We are unencumbered by children, which only heightens our laissez faire vibe. We’re also people-watchers who will return to the same spot repeatedly. And we will walk all fucking day, provided ample snack, coffee, and bathroom breaks.

These are not necessarily all practical tidbits, just my experience. 

Further, never ever ever take packing advice from me. I am a chronic overpacker, even if I spend 4 months planning and researching the art of micropacking.  I’m very sensitive about it, so when you see me wrestling my giant bags, instead of saying “Wow, that’s a lot of shit” please, take a bag from me and instead comment on how I must have made some cool drawings with all of the art supplies I’m lugging around.

Mediocre Travel Tips (and General Life Advice)

• Don’t be an asshole.

• Pick up at least 3 pieces of litter a day.

• Buy your airport/train/road trip M&M’s from the grocery store so you don’t get ripped off at the station. Splurge on the big bag.

• Pay attention to bicycles, for real.

• It is best to not need to seek medical advice in places where chickens freely roam the street.

• Find a local dish that you like and try it from as many different places as possible.

• Try to not be the people that make the locals protest tourism. People live wherever you’re visiting, don’t treat it like Disneyland, unless you’re in Disneyland. 

• Find local alternatives to chain stores and restaurants.¹

• If you have to look at your phone while you’re walking, FFS step out of the way. Don’t be that person.

• Stop and view the world from as many benches as are presented to you.

• Decide on a “thing” to look for and document: manhole covers, street art, doors, door knockers, salon names…

  

  

• There’s no such thing as too many digital photos

• There is no rule that says you can’t have ice cream every day.

• Your big trip isn’t the time to set/stick to draconian dieting rules.

• When in doubt at a restaurant, you can never really go wrong with french fries.

• Band-aids, hand sanitizer, tampons, pain reliever, and snacks in every bag.

• Don’t put a banana in your bag as a “snack for later,” then forget about it for four consecutive, very hot, beach days.

• Carry around some nuts so you don’t turn into a raging hangry asshole when no one can decide on where and when to eat

• Don’t be that person that gets to the top (or bottom) of the escalator and just fucking stops.

• There are few things stupider than getting a sunburn on your first day of vacation

• Same, but with blisters on your feet.

• Eating raw fruit from street vendors can kick-start a swift, violent, and  inconvenient cleanse diet.

• Same for fresh squeezed OJ.²

• People-watching is an Olympic sport.

• Only take the sunglasses you’re willing to lose.

• If a free museum or public exhibit is offered, take the time to see what someone else thinks is fascinating and/or important (there might be a bathroom).

• Try to be the kind of person who sleeps on planes.

• If you’re making significant time zone changes, you must stay awake until at least 9pm local time the day you arrive in your new place.

• Don’t book a hotel room next to an all-night dance club³.

• French fries followed by gelato is a complete dinner.

  

• It is possible to buy a lovely travel backgammon set, bring it with you on every trip for 13 years and never once use it.

• Overtip.

• As long as you’re not dressed like a complete slob, you can pretty much walk into any hotel and use their bathroom.

• Don’t dress like a complete slob, you never know where you may end up.⁴

• Gas station sushi is not your friend.

• There are no perfect bodies at nude beaches.⁵

• Girlies, if the beach is top optional: try nude boobies at least once (don’t forget sunscreen).

• You only have to unpack if you’re staying longer than 3 nights.

• Walk on the shady side of the street (sit on shady side of bus). Reverse for winter.

• Stroll fucking aimlessly.

• Sure, you can pay money to tour inside of a church, but most churches will allow anyone to come for services.

• If you don’t want to look like an oompa loompa in pictures, make sure your shirt is a different color than your backpack.

• There’s no such thing as too many books on your e-reader.

• All of these tips work for real life, not just vacation mode.

see you in a few days

I’m always open to ideas, suggestions, shenanigans, tomfoolery, collaborations, cheese, snacks, and field trips.

You can find my art here and here. I offer custom workshops and design. I am the proud guardian/custodian of a 16 year old cheeseburger named Patty.

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All photographs and art are by me, Rubi McGrory, unless otherwise noted.

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words and images © Rubi McGrory 2021-2025

1. I’m looking at you Americans in Europe who pass by dozens of cool, local cafés on your way to Starbucks.

2. Street food is generally safe if it’s been cooked.

3. Unless you plan on spending all night at said dance club.

4. Dude, wear a fucking shirt with a collar! Seriously, one of our people watching faves are couples in which the woman has clearly taken the time to do her hair and makeup and choose a gorgeous outfit, while her date donned cargo shorts and an Ed Hardy t-shirt. Keep an eye out for it, it’s so common. And sad.

5. There are no perfect bodies.