nope

nope nope nope nope

No.

No!

Nope.

Nuh-uh.

Nyet.

Nein.

Saying yes to new things and new adventures is great, but have you ever tried saying no? 

It is the best. 

I was raised to be a yes, especially when it came to work. Four of us five kids worked for the local McDonalds. Our store managers knew where to turn when short handed. Confident that my mom would pick up the phone, they called our house first in their search for a warm body to cover a shift (landlines, amiright?). Mom would always answer yes on our behalf--college wasn’t going to pay for itself. No matter how early in the morning, she’d rouse one of us (I feel like it was always me) to don a wrinkled polyester uniform and sling burgers or hash browns to the good folks of our town. 

To be fair to Mom, even if I answered the phone, I always assented and went into work because I had no idea that I didn’t have to say yes. I didn’t know I could make decisions about what to do with my time. If they asked me to work, I worked.

In my tenure aboard yachts, saying no to owners, guests or their requests was simply not an option. No is unprofessional. 

A friend breaks it down this way: You cannot say ‘no,’ regardless of how impossible the request--guests pay for and expect the highest quality service in the known world. Instead of no, depending on how unattainable and preposterous the guests’ ask, the captain’s response could be either “That is difficult,” “That is very difficult,” or “That is extremely difficult.”  There is a cash equivalent commensurate with the level of difficulty, as in, “we can arrange it, but zoinks that’s gonna be expensive.” This is to compensate all parties providing assistance in accommodating these outrageous desires.  It doesn’t mean us,  the yacht crew, but rather local authorities, dockmasters, vendors, drivers, anyone involved and inconvenienced, etc etc. 

Our job is to yes the people happy, regardless of the demand¹. From my chef perspective, that meant securing airplane seats for raspberries and first class passage for caviar, when necessary. It also meant consecutive 18 hour days on my feet, weeks (months) without days off, biting my tongue until I was choking on blood,  and concocting 101 different ways to incorporate frozen peas into a dinner menu. Among others.

Yes is the battle cry of capitalism and productivity. Yes wants to get everything done and made and bought and sold and keep everyone happy. 

Enough of the yes’s. 

Let’s celebrate No.

No is about boundaries. No is about setting limits. No is about understanding the opportunity cost of a yes. As in …but it won’t take that long…  

No is about giving FOMO the middle finger. No is about conserving resources (yours). 

Yesses are expensive. They cost time and mental energy, while nos are free. 

Listen, I get it, there are times when you have to yes, as in “Yes, I’ll do my taxes,” or “Yes, I’ll floss.” But you can say No when people ask for rides to the airport. You can say No to attending a birthday party for your co-worker’s twins.  

But also, you can say No to yourself. No, I can’t take on another project. No, I don’t need that handful of M&M’s (or cheese or beer or whiskey or cake). No, I won’t watch another episode of Minx or play another game of Mario Kart. No, I won’t open TikTok. 

But the Nos aren’t just personal. No can have huge power when wielded against power. 

No, we won’t pay your tea tax. 

No, I won’t donate a dollar at the checkout to your corporation’s hunger relief campaign in which I, a kind-hearted soul, part with my money, and your corporation gains recognition and tax credit. And no, I won't feel bad about it. 

No, I won’t listen to your racist bullshit. No, I won’t pretend to laugh at your lame misogynistic jokes. No, I won’t hug you. No, I won’t silently acquiesce to your fee structure. No, I won’t stand by as you pass restrictive legislation. No, I won’t continue buying into an economic structure that is bent on environmental destruction and  puts profit and party before people. 

Fuck no to all of that. 

Those are some pretty big nos, so try a few simple ones to get started: say no to separating your laundry into dark loads and colored loads². Say no to scrubbing your dishes before you pop them in the dishwasher. Say no to the compulsive, but unnecessary, need to keep a box of baking soda in your fridge. 

Listen, I’m not telling you where to start throwing your no’s around, I’m merely highlighting the concept that every two year old explores on their mission towards building up a sense of autonomy. I’m just not sure when or where in our development as humans we somehow lost that ability.

And to remind us to take it back.

1. OK, there are some things that are out of bounds, but, well…

2. this feels like a very discriminatory concept