My new favorite question to ask people is what they do with their brains when they have to go to the bathroom really bad, like Code Red situation. Recently I was a desperate passenger in a friend’s golf cart on the short, but very bumpy road to her bathroom. She explained when she’s in code red she pretends she’s being introduced to give a speech or presentation. She visualizes herself standing at the ready and feels her posture change as she begins her imaginary speech. Something in that shift allows her to feel more in control of her busting bladder.
Her method is far more imaginative than mine: I count my steps as I’m walking to the bathroom. This is not remotely helpful when riding in a car. Or a golf cart.
I didn’t know this was a territory for me to explore, but instantly became fascinated/obsessed. Now I’m asking everyone—which hasn’t been a ton of folks, because: pandemic, but give me time. A few people have reported having no mental hacks to keep the bladder in business. The same number of people are spellers. They spell out words or phrases as a means of focusing their attention away from the don’t-pee-in-your-pants alarms going off in their body.
I’m not a behavioral scientist or a brain researcher. I don’t know what to do with this information other than find it fascinating.
If there are more stress spellers out there, please come forward. I’ve been known to spell in situations of severe stress—specifically Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 in phonetic alphabet1. It’s not something I set out to do, it’s something my brain settled upon and it’s challenging enough to keep me busy.
Another mental function that has been fascinating me lately is our resets. How do we take a shitty/crappy/grumpy mood that doesn’t serve us and turn it around. And by us, I mostly mean me. How can I pull myself out of a funk?
All of my research is saying gratitude gratitude, gratitude. The books, podcasts and researchers all echo one another: the key to creating happiness and positive states of mind is to focus on gratitude.
But sometimes, it’s easier to just indulge the bad mood.
I found myself in a situation recently that left me feeling downright grumpy. I knew I should feel grateful to be in the position I was, but parts of it didn’t sit right. I lectured myself that I really should find gratitude. Myself responded back to fuck off, that I wanted to be grumpy.
But that I was a lie. I didn’t want to feel oogey. I really wanted to embrace the gratitude of my awkward situation, I couldn’t find my way there through of bunch of muck.
I took a walk.
But I was angry walking--you know the kind: big purposeful strides, no patience for other pedestrians, slight huffing sounds, the mind racing in one sided conversation. I wasn’t helping myself and I may have been scaring small children and an occasional adult.
That voice that had been lecturing came back, except this time it said, “we’re not grumpy, we’re mad. What are we mad at?”
I started listing. As words came to my brain, I realized I wasn’t all mad, I was exhausted. And confused. And feeling left out.
The syllables matched my pace as I walked. “I. Am. Ex. Haus. Ted.”
Once those words were distilled into syllables, my mind jumped straight to my friends and their spelling games as a means of distracting or occupying the brain.
I’m super into this spelling thing right now (fun fact: I was a grade school spelling bee champ).
I turned this reset into a game I call “Three Little Birds.”
Here’s how to play.
Step one: When you’re feeling down, identify and name those bad feelings. Try to explore a bit further beyond simply sad, grumpy, mad, or oogey. In this instance, I found I was actually tired, overwhelmed, and confused.
Step 2: Spell the word out, naming an object of gratitude that begins with each letter of the word. You may use as much artistic license as you feel inclined to. For example:
T: tiny baby toenails
I: iridescent rain jackets
R: rosewater facial spray
E: envy apples (They’re super tasty)
D: dresses with pockets
G: Green beans almondine
R: risotto
U: underwear that doesn’t give you wedgies
M: maps of places I’ve been
P: pieces of cake
Y: yarn for a new project
I’m pleased to report that initial testing indicates this works for me. It is not necessary to have so many food items, that’s just where my brain goes. The words can represent anything at all you feel gratitude for, or they can be specific to a situation.
The narrowing down and identification of the exact emotion and cause is important. It breaks bad feelings down into specific and digestible blocks. Compelling those blocks into a detailed gratitude exercise is equally important, that’s where the alchemy happens—transforming negative feelings into positive ones.
I’m creating lots of variations and permutations—using names of people, specific words or phrases, even spelling out situations.
The next time you’re feeling crappy about something and looking for a reset, I invite you to try this technique. Put your own spin on it. Get back to me and let me know how it goes.
Thank you for indulging me in this wackiness.
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