I Speak Cookie

the art of being a polyglot bestie or love languages for friends

art made in collaboration with https://www.wikihow.com/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care

Ok, so I’m pretty sure you know about love languages. Way back when, in 1992 (that’s 32 years ago), Gary Chapman introduced the world to his idea of love languages, or the ways we express love and feel loved. Everyone has different ways of experiencing love, even two people in an intimate relationship. Chapman codified what he saw as different styles of giving and receiving love and affection in the married couples he counseled as a pastor. 

Here are the 5 original love languages:

1. Acts of Service

2. Physical touch

3. Words of Affirmation

4. Quality tIme

5. Receiving gifts

Love languages aren’t scientific, we have no metrics to generate usubale data for this kind of behavior. One man in one town with a limited pool of culturally-aligned people can’t possibly be the last word on the subject, especially since some of his original advice was deeply rooted in misogyny.¹ 

As Oprah likes to say, “When you know better, you do better.”

art made in collaboration with https://www.wikihow.com/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care

It’s time to recognizeand honor the language of love in our non-romantic relationships.  Friend love doesn’t get enough love. We generally have more friend-ships than we do romance-ships, so let’s shine a light on some overlooked friend love languages.

• Memes: this has been declared the unofficial 6th love language

• Playlists: truly a divine language, speaking in songs

• Baked goods: still trying to figure out if cookies should be their own love language

• Airport rides: I don't know if this friend is an angel or an idiot.

• Styling: your girl knows the perfect lip color or will help you find the exact right outfit for the occasion.

• Gets yer back: whether they're scrapping for you when you’re not around, or they’re pointing out to the server that your rice shouldn’t vibe like mashed potatoes, this mouthy friend will always defend you

• Hoop holding: her love language is to be there when you’re getting into shit so she can help you get out of it.

• Video games: you and your buds leveling up together

• Spilling tea: the currency of juicy tidbits

• Games: I’m looking at you, my wordle peeps

• Horoscope fluency:² it’s in the stars

• Errand Date: friends get shit done together, whether it’s cutting down trees, mailing packages, or getting a pedi. (bonus points if you pedi and send memes at the same time).

  

  art made in collaboration with https://www.wikihow.com/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care

• Personal barista: the friend that knows your coffee order down to the little shake of cinnamon

• Tooth check: This really should be the most basic, universal love language. Friends don’t let friends go around with blueberry smootie detritus in their teeth.

• Sarcasm: like you can’t figure this one out?

• Tiny oranges or fizzy water: nothing says I love you friend like always having a little cutie or a fizzy water to offer for your friends’ enjoyment

• Hype woman: blows so much sunshine up your ass that you might just believe you are the beautiful, smart, funny, worthy, gorgeous soul she proclaims you to be (to you and the world)

• The decider: Always knows what to do, eliminates where should we eat? what should we watch?

• Hugger: not the bone crushing bear hugger or the creepy cop-a-feel hugger, but the friend that gives a hug that says the world is a better place with you in it.

• Snackmaster: instinctively matches the right level of salt-crunch-cheese-chocolate to the occasion amd brings plenty to share.

• The editor: will make sure you sound as smart/sassy/funny/competent as possible in your Bumble profile or email to your boss, while not making you feel stupid

• Cookies: I’ve decided. Homemade cookies are their own love language— provided they don’t have raisins. Why would you put raisins in my cookies unless you hated me?

This is an incomplete, and ever evolving list. Please feel free to add whatever I might have missed. 

1. There are those who claim the idea was groundbreaking, in that it gave people an insight into what they want and can bring to their relationships. Some claim that the love languages have zero scientific basis (they don’t, really). Some claim the book was problematic, as much of the advice offered was deeply rooted in misogyny, encouraging women to be submissive to their husbands (in alignment with chapmans work as a pastor). Some outright claim love languages are made up, which, well, they are.

2. Please don’t yuck someone’s yum. If horoscopes aren’t your thing, substitute it with moving furniture or making spreadsheets as a friend love language.